Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Doubt and the devil..

How can you move on towards the future when you can’t let go of the past?

I’m not talking about the girl in grade five that used to call you names but I’m talking about big things, real pain, pain that will continue to hurt for years. Some of that pain is self inflicted, from consequences from bad choices, but mostly it is caused by the people who are closest to you. People you’re supposed to be able to trust, hurting you more then you can imagine. Times when the pain is out of your control. I don’t know if that’s true for all of you but that’s definitely been my experience anyway.

How are you meant to trust when all you know is hurt?

How do you move on when the pain is still real?

I don’t know about you but my past is painful and full of wounds that still haven’t healed and the more I try and move on from it, the more it haunts me. Coming back and reminding me it still has power over me just when I thought I was making progress. It has a way of holding me back from my dreams. Just when I get close to achieving anything, a seed of doubt is planted in the back of my mind. I find doubt is one of the hardest things to combat. As soon as I start doubting myself, it takes over. The voice that says you’re not good enough. The voice that says you never do anything right. The voice that says that I should give up.

Up until recently, I listened to that voice and I believed it. I believed that no mater what I did, I would still be useless and hopeless just like the people in my past have told me I am. It’s been a long journey realising that the little voice saying all that negative stuff and bringing up my hurts was the devil trying to hold me back, trying to stop me being all that God wants me to be. It just goes to show the devil will try to use ANYTHING to stop you from being all you can be. Even though I’ve learnt that it’s just him trying to trip me up, it’s so hard to stop believing it. Seriously, when you’re going through hard times, how hard is it to look in the mirror and say to yourself “I have potential and that there is a purpose for me” and actually believe it?

I used to hear the verses in the bible like “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (psalm 139) and “For you were made in my image.” (Genesis 1:27) and sort of thought it was a good idea but never really believed it. My thoughts were, if I was really made in God’s image; that must mean that God has a huge case of acne right now. I didn’t really take in the full picture of what God thinks of me because my head was to full of the negative thoughts.

I was introduced to the Father's Love Letter on the weekend. It’s a beautiful collection of verses about how much God loves us and what he thinks of us (I will post it after this if you want to have a read). I burst into tears when my friend read it out because I finally got it. I finally understood what it all meant if that makes sense. I know I’m really slow to catch on, but at that moment the love felt more real then it had ever before.

I encourage you, when you’re past is trying to bring you down, when the devil is sowing seeds of doubt, remember what God says about you. He loves you; he gave his son, everything he loved, so that we might love him in return. He has a purpose for you even if you can’t see it yet. Only in him can we have hope and a future.

One day I will wipe away
every tear from your eyes.
Revelation 21:3-4

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